Wee bit of an intro.

It's 4:41 in the morning, the night is quiet and I feel urged to start this, a new blog, to write about what it's like...to be a Friend attempting to be a Friend...to share what might come to heart or mind...poetry, music or whatever may be left behind for anyone to read, learn, or be entertained from.

It behooves me to give a little explanation:

"Love with your heart if you can't love with your mind
Love with your mind if you can't love with your body
Love with your soul if you feel you can't love at all"

That's what came to me a few minutes ago, as I looked for a random book to flick through, and this moved me to open up a blog to share it.

About me:
I was born here in San Jose, Costa Rica, grew up in a Catholic family, my father who was a doctor died when I was 9, became a quaker a couple years ago in 2005, that same year I was blessed to travel to the World Gathering of Young Friends where I met Friends from all over the world, from evangelical Friends from Kenya, Latin America to unprogrammed and conservative Friends from the U.S.
At the time I was involved in a relationship, with a person I met online at a Nirvana fan website she and I...we met in NYC after about a year of talking and corresponding, the relationship seemed to rule and define my essence...it didn't work out as the distance(She was from Canada) did not allow for us to be together, I held on eventhough it was really beyond my means to get to her, who for several circumstances couldn't come here either.
I flunked(several times) a math test which is still pending for me to get my Highschool diploma.

I got a job, at a call centre (the name of the blog comes from my pseudonym from back then) the reason behind the job was to save money to go to Canada, the relationship crumbled and I spent a lot of money away on "stuff", by then I had been desperate for years and the ideal of a Quaker approach to living was just not present, instead materialism and viciousness ruled my lifestyle, I was making more money than I'd ever had had at my disposition growing up and spending it vainly. Few wise expenditures I remember, the closest I recall was to sign up in a gym for a year, and Aikido classes which I saw as forms of keeping sanity and myself busy during my own hours...needless to say I did not attend meeting too much at that time.

I felt in conflict with creation, with the universe, with God, in many ways I still do, I guess there's significance in that, I should perhaps try to love God with my soul, body and heart moreso than with my mind.

The day came when the relationship with Emma ended, a few months after I quit what had been my first job, I got a new job(also a call centre) fell in love again, bought an expensive bicycle, had a bicycle accident, broke my right radius and left collarbone in early january, had to be operated, got five pins put into my wristbone.

I quit the new job, I've done some interpreting work and taught English lessons.

A couple of days ago, I received an e-mail from my past love, saying she wished me peace, this came not at the best of times but after replying to it I felt a wee bit like coming to terms.

Maybe it's just a pathetic hope for dignity to think that one has grown up a bit and I still feel the passions burn me and take over at times and I still lose control sometimes but in all my confusion I think I'm a step closer somehow, towards the simplicity and faith I seek.

I became a vegan a couple weeks ago and for some reason this time seems easier, it's clearer, as an anarchist, as a Quaker...it's easier than years ago when I first attempted such change.

I hope for inspiration to transcend my self. The book on which I wrote what inspired me to this first post was by Fulton J. Sheen as I opened it it read:

"Unless souls are saved, nothing is saved; there can be no world peace unless there is soul peace. World wars are only projections of the conflicts waged inside the souls of modern men, for nothing happens in the external world that has not first happened within a soul"


This Friend speaks my mind.

-Sebastian Ortiz 5:36 a.m.